Revolutionary Running

Right, so I've not blogged for an entire week. I apologise. But it's only because I've been spending so much time thinking about my new invention.

It's going to be big. I think.

I've not thought of a name for it yet. But I'm sure I'll think up something genius soon. In the meantime, suggestions are very welcome.

"WHAT'S THE INVENTION?"

Wow, you're keen. But seeing as you ask...

I have come up with a way to make the deadkill treadmill not be the absolute scum of the Earth. Because let's be honest here - it really is. When you're running on the treadmill for 20+ minutes, those 20+ minutes become the worst 20+ minutes of your life and you feel like you've actually been running on that cunt of a conveyor belt for 20+ years.

As with my insomnia blog last week, the clock becomes your arch rival - you can't take your eyes off him. You hate the bastard. In fact, you end up hating everything near you: the person having a pointless stroll alongside you, your water bottle longing to be poured over your head, the sweat dripping from every inch of your body, your shorts which you deliberately decide are uncomfortable and your once-so-beautiful face staring at you in the mirror with disgust.

Yet we still pay for this experience. That's right, we hand over REAL money - REAL money that we have earned by giving up our own time to work hard. And here we are simply giving this money away so we can give up yet more of our own time to work hard - only this time, for no economic benefit.

The question is then asked, why don't you go outside and run then? On natural ground which doesn't move on a continuous loop of material? Why don't you go outside and run on natural ground which doesn't move on a continuous loop of material FREE OF CHARGE?

Because it's cold and there's people and stuff. That's why!

However, I have devised an idea which will solve all these evils of the treadmill. No longer must you stare the timer in its numerical eye or become a misanthrope who loathes everyone and everything around them (including themselves).With my invention, running for 20+ minutes on the treadmill will become a serene and ultimately enjoyable activity.

I just realised I have written almost 400 words so far, and you still don't know what my invention is. Maybe I should tell you before you close the page - or think up a better one.

Basically, it'll be like a treadmill/simulator. You'll step inside the hub (yes, I am calling it a hub), and when you set off on your run it will be just like it would if you were running outdoors. Except you'd still have a conveyor belt underneath your feet and be able to see the distance you have run. That one's a common comfort. You will just think you are running on a path or something, with trees and birds and people and stuff - so it'll all be very realistic. Perhaps there could be a few visual jokes included along the way too - like an old lady being run over or a cat falling out a tree. The clock is only there if you want it to be (just press the button). But time will fly anyway because you'll be having so much fun on your fake, outdoor running experience. The only downside is that you still have to do exercise - pay to do exercise. However, with my new invention it will be worth every penny.

For once you will enjoy losing your money pounds to lose your fatty pounds.

Thanks to me, you can run outisde - inside!

It already exists, doesn't it?

Perhaps, just for the record, I should state here that
I thought of it first.